Bullying at any age still hurts....

* 
Yesterday I came face to face with someone who hurt me last year so much that it changed my life and I was shocked at my reaction!

I consider myself a strong, independent woman who doesn't let other’s opinions darken my day.  I advocate for equality and try to treat others with respect.  I'll admit I am far from perfect. Really far from perfect some days. But I try my best.  

Like many of us, bullying has affected my life before, but I really thought as I got older it would be something that I wouldn't have to go through again.  It happened in high school, so I moved schools.  It happened in the workplace, so I left my job.  As I got older, I swore I wouldn't let others hurt me that way again, but it did happen again.  This time in my child's primary school.

The definition of bullying is to "seek to harm, intimidate or coerce (someone perceived as vulnerable)".

Bullyingnoway.gov.au says: 

• It is ongoing and repeating. 
• It is a misuse of power (or perceived power). 
• It involves behaviour that can cause harm.

The Australian Human Rights Commission say:

• Keeping someone out of a group
• Acting in an unpleasant way towards someone
• Giving nasty looks, making rude gestures, calling names, being impolite
• Spreading rumours or lies

It is not a one-off argument between two people or two people simply disliking each other.  It's one or more people causing intentional harm to another over and over again.

Now I won't go into the details of what happened as that is not necessary for my story here.

What I was shocked at was my reaction to this person.  It has been almost 12 months since this all happened.  I've moved on, but my subconscious obviously hasn't.  When I saw this person, my heart started to race, I tingled from head to toe and then got on with my job of good customer service.  I believe in forgiveness, and being an eternal optimist, thought I may get an apology one day. But what I encountered was the same dismissal I felt the year before.  Someone who took no responsibility for their actions. 
When they left I crumbled.  I couldn't stop shaking. The adrenaline had flooded my system and while I shook I could feel the tears start to well.  I couldn't catch my breath and thank goodness the shop was empty as there was no way I could have spoken to someone else without losing it.  It took about 10 minutes for me to calm down.  Then the fascination kicked in.  Why did I have such a huge reaction to someone I really hadn't given a thought to in six months? 

When the bullying started last year I was at first shocked and laughed at the fact grown adults were acting like children but then it didn't stop.  It just kept going and started to affect my health and relationships with other people.  When I realised it was affecting my children too, I knew I had to change how I was reacting to it. So, I worked very hard with the help of some amazing other professionals.  I moved on. Interestingly, my subconscious had not!

After a day of reflecting I have learnt a lot.  I realised my body will tell me when it perceives danger and hit me with a mini panic attack.  No, the person wouldn't physically hurt me, but emotionally my body wanted to protect me from being hurt again and for that I am truly grateful. My body has an inbuilt warning system and it let me know that it associates this person with danger, however this time there was no danger and the interaction went off without any further harm being done. So next time I see this person I wonder if my body will have the same reaction?  I don't think so.  

For emotionally charged days like yesterday I always turn to my flower essence therapy.  I came home, did a card reading. Found the flowers I needed and made an essence.  Instantly I felt better.

Bullying causes harm.  No matter how old you are, 4 or 40.  Bullying is not on.  Neither is standing by and letting someone get bullied.  And if you have been a bully, just say sorry.  If I have been a bully in the past, I am deeply sorry.  If you have been bullied by someone else, I understand. 
I live in hope that the more people talk about bullying and learn that it isn't just something that happens between children but also between adults, then we will have progress.  If you need help coping with being bullied, please ask for help. 
Beyond Blue 1300 22 46 36
Kids help line 1800 55 1800

​Bulling, it's not on!!
​

---